Myth #1: Women aren’t visually stimulated. Bullshit. Looking at my man when he pulls his jeans down, and he’s hard, and I can see a perfect outline of his cock through his black Hanes boxer briefs, down to the groove around the head, I get soaked. Looking up at his tanned chest starting to get flushed, and his brown nipples getting stiff – that alone nearly drives me to orgasm. And, when I see his hand start to travel down his chest, over his abdomen, down to his, Oh God. Don’t get me started. I believe this myth is the sole reason why there are practically NO porn sites out there for women!! I want to see some naked men, damn it!! No offense to my gay friends out there (I love ya dearly), but I don’t want to have to resort to looking at a gay male site just to find some hot, naked guys! I want a site for straight women wanting to ogle at and drool over straight, hot, naked guys. Can I get an “Amen”, ladies??!!

Myth #2: Women don’t like hardcore porn. Bullshit. Just like any guy out there, I want to see some hardcore fuckin’. Not any of this namby-pamby pseudo-sex bullshit, but some real, cock-in-cunt, sucking, licking, fucking, cum spewing hardcore nasty sex. I don’t want simulated sex between two people wearing flesh-colored thongs where all I can see is the woman’s entire body, and the man’s chest and maybe his ass. What a rip-off. Give me hardcore porn any day.

Myth #3: Women are inherently all bisexual, some just may not know it yet. Dream on, boys. Learn to differentiate between fantasy and reality. The reality is, some women are lesbians, some are bi, and some are straight, just like with men. We are not, I repeat NOT all bisexual. I, for one, am straight. I love men, but women do nothing for me. I am not repressed, I am well aware of my preferences and I like men, period. *(pointing at self)* Loves the cock.

Myth #4: Women don’t like hardcore erotica, it has to be romantic, subtle, and insinuative, with a plot that they can get lost in. Bull shit. I’ve even seen some online e-zines go so far as to warn writers that their audience is “mostly women”, so they needed something “tasteful” and not “smut.” I love smut. In fact, if something has too much of a plot, I’m liable to skip most of the story, just to get to the good part. And, if (in the good part), I’m met with insinuations and euphemisms, I’m completely put off. I won’t read one more word. They’ve killed my happy time. I don’t want read about his “aching loins”. I want to read about his “hot, throbbing cock dripping with pre-cum.” I realize it’s all a matter of taste, and as I said, I’m sure there are women who fit the description that I wrote above. But, I also know I’m not alone and there are women out there with tastes just like mine that are being all but ignored.

Myth #5: Women don’t think about sex as much as men. Oh, hell yes, some of them do. And I would venture to bet that some of them could give you boys a run for your money. It’s just that when women admit to thinking about sex a LOT, they get labeled a “pervert.” Don’t ask me why this is, I’ve never understood double standards. But, it is what it is and many women don’t feel comfortable admitting how much they think about sex or some of the raunchy things that turn them on because other people (especially other women) judge them and try to make them feel wrong about it. It makes women uncomfortable to think that they are some oversexed, perverted nymphomaniac if they admit to and embrace some of the things I mentioned above. For those women, I want to say that you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Women have just been censoring themselves for far too long. Embrace your inner freak, girl!

For the guys: I hope this has been an eye-opener for some of you and I hope you will take this information to heart. Like I said, it doesn’t apply to all women, but I think it’s important to know that there are a variety of women out there with different tastes and we are not all delicate flowers. We don’t all like to make sweet, gentle love. Some of us want a hard fucking. We don’t all want to cuddle. Some of us want to rest for a minute, then climb right back on.

I know these won’t be popular sentiments with some of you, and most of you will probably label me a pervert, but I don’t care. I’ve reached a level of confidence in my sexuality that I didn’t even know was there. I love (and sometimes obsess over) sex, and I’m not going to feel bad about it anymore.

“How many times did you reach an orgasm?” I asked.

“Once,” he said.

“So how did she have all of those?” I queried.

“She rubbed off on my thighs, on my buttocks, and I used my hand.”

“Doesn’t it make you feel inferior when she has all those orgasms and you only have one?” I asked.

“No, because I know the difference between a man and a woman,” he replied.

This reminded me of when I was an 18-year-old woman back in the 1970s. I happened to be looking through a magazine and came across a question that I very much wondered about. The article said that a young man wanted to know “if it was possible to masturbate too much.” Then it went on to say that he said he masturbated once a day!

I almost fell off my chair. Once a day! ONCE a day! Since I had started masturbating in junior high school, I had never been able to keep it DOWN to once a day! In fact, I would have considered it a feat of self-control. Between the ages of 12 to my early 20s, I generally reached orgasm 6-18 times per day, every day. I would often test myself by promising, “Today I will not masturbate.” However, within a few minutes, that soon altered to “Today I will not masturbate more than once.” I believe I was once able to stop at three orgasms. The idea that someone could have an orgasm once a day and wonder if that was masturbating “too much” put me into a bewildered daze.

I hasten to add that I was a completely chaste teen girl and had no assistance reaching these orgasms. As my mother proudly announced, I had been “sweet 16 and never been kissed!”

In fact, the fear of pregnancy coupled with that of a bad reputation meant that, unlike a teen boy with strong physical needs, I remained resolutely virginal. It is even quite possible that this orgasmic imperative helped keep me chaste as it necessitated much time spent in the sanctuary of home. Often at school or church — the two other places I was most likely to be at when not at home — I was watching the clock or checking my watch in my intense desire to get home and to my room.

Eventually, in college, I did get a boyfriend (Tom eventually became my husband and is now my ex-husband). Although I remained resolutely a virgin until I had a tubal ligation in my mid-twenties, one of the first intimacies I allowed him was to watch me masturbate. He was soon aware of how often I did it and often seemed awed by the frequency with which I felt led to reach an orgasm.

I told him about the man who was concerned about masturbating “too much” when he masturbated once a day and how that baffled me. He explained, “Just like the outer muscles of women are weaker than those of men, their internal muscles are weaker. Those wimpy internal muscles don’t flush out arousal so they mean women can have more orgasms.”

That made sense. It also seemed somehow “fair” that the same quality that made it so difficult for women to lift heavy items also meant that we always had something to pass the time on a rainy day.

I no longer have anything like the orgasmic desire I once had. While many women become more sexual as they age, I have done the opposite and basically worn out any interest in it. I have been celibate for years and have every intention of remaining so.

However, it seems to me that there are dangers both in making too many gender distinctions and in making too few. Some traditionalists make too many when they try to rigidly prescribe the public sphere as male and the private as female. Some radical feminists make too many when they try to attribute all evil to the male and all injured innocence to the female.

At the same, ignorance of gender differences can leave someone as bewildered as I once was. My late friend was a high school dropout and far from an intellectual but he possessed an admirable and psychologically steadying wisdom in “knowing the difference between a man and a woman.”

The columnist, true to his magazine’s stated doctrine and financial interests, pooh-poohed that notion, and pointed out that prostitution is the result of economic necessity. He asserted that it is poverty that compels families to put their daughters out on the street, and it is also the reason why many American women take to hooking. His further stated opinion, which also reflects the magazine’s corporate opinion, is that women are just as hot to trot as men, and that all that the males of the human species, especially in the United States, need to do to benefit from those powerful female sexual urges is to subscribe to their magazine and buy the clothing, booze and other overpriced merchandise advertised in its pages.

I agreed with what had been said about economic necessity, but asked the columnist why those impoverished families didn’t put their sons to doing the same kind of work. I also wanted to know why, since men are also faced with financial needs, there aren’t more midnight cowboys going around alleviating female sexual urges that, he says, are as potent as those of men. The magazine didn’t answer me. One advantage of writing a column where you express opinions is that you always get the last word.

At the time I read the magazine, and ever since, I have been of the opinion that men are hornier that women, although I am willing to concede that this is an individual thing. There are women who love sex, casual and otherwise, and are very active. There are also men who have little or no interest. However, I have always believed that men, generally speaking, are more eager to indulge in sex than their female counterparts, especially sex with no strings attached.

Unfortunately, there has never, to my knowledge, been any kind of research into this question. Doctors Masters and Johnson, and Doctor Kinsey and others have asked men and women a good many questions on the subject of sexual activity, and have compiled a substantial amount of data, but not on this specific detail. This might be completely understandable. I would expect that most persons would have no problem recalling the time they first had sex and can easily cite what kinds of sexual acts they have performed and what they prefer, but those are just statistics, and can be compiled and compared. Degrees of horniness are qualitative. That is, they will vary from one person to another, and nobody can tell just how horny another person is, nor can individuals describe accurately how horny they are, outside of generalities, such as somebody saying: “I’m hornier than a mountain goat.”

There are objective ways of determining how sexually aroused a person is. The degree of stiffness of a cock can be observed, as can the ruddy flush of a woman’s chest and the amount of lubrication her pussy is producing or how erect her nipples are. However, this is just sexual arousal, not horniness, which is the amount of desire a person has for sexual intercourse. The two are related, of course, but they are not the same thing. A man or a woman may not be hard or wet, respectively, at a specific point in time, but can still be horny and desirous of achieving that state and having some form of sexual intercourse as soon as possible. Conversely, he or she may be in a high state of arousal but, for personal or other valid reason, prefer to refrain from having intercourse, even though a willing partner is available. This is the question I am asking here: Generally speaking, is it men or women who are hornier? Or are they pretty much equal in their horniness?

As I said before, although it varies from one person to another, it is my strongly held opinion that men are hornier than women; that is to say that men tend to be more desirous of having sex than women are. I base this opinion on several factors, one of them being the almost total lack of male prostitutes available to service women. A while ago, I heard of a famous madam who spoke of plans to open a legal brothel in Nevada, with men there to serve the sexual needs of women. I doubt if the operation will ever even begin and, if it does, it will go broke within a year. I say this because, among other problems it would face, there is no reason for most women to pay a man for sex when there are so many guys who are willing to provide all she wants for free. Unless she is grotesquely ugly or stinks like an outdoor toilet in August, men will line up around the block for the opportunity to get into her pants.

I am referring here to most men. There are some, whom I usually think of as “Makeout Artists” who would not be in that line. They would have no need, because they get so much pussy from willing women that they would consider it to be a waste of their valuable time. I have known such men, and have always been envious of them, and wished I knew their secrets. There are others who would also forego that waiting line because of some strong need to remain unlaid, such as a vow of chastity or a desire to be true to a wife or significant other. I would fit into that latter category, and I am not criticizing such men, since I can respect and share their forbearance, but we are distinctly a minority.

Some things have changed since my youth, which was many years before Al gore invented the internet, but some things still remain the same. Back then, a common answer by a young woman to a young man who implored her to have sexual intercourse with him was: “No. I’m not that kind of girl.” Another common answer was: “No. I’m saving myself for marriage.” These were only things that females said; I can’t imagine any male giving such a ridiculous answer. Of course, it was also exceedingly rare for a woman to ever importune a man for sex, unless he happened to be Elvis Presley or somebody such as that.

If a male were ever propositioned and he responded by saying “No, I’m not that kind of boy,” it would, essentially, mean that he was saying he was gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, to paraphrase a famous “Seinfeld” episode, but it would be highly unusual for a man to want to pass himself off as gay when he was actually straight. The fact is, virtually all straight boys or men are “that kind of boy” or want to be, if they can find available partners. There might very well be a few boys or men who actually are saving themselves for marriage, or were back then, but I’ve never known any, and I probably wouldn’t want to know any.

On the forums of Literotica, I have debated this question, and most of the women who responded said something to the effect that they wanted to avoid having a reputation for being “easy” or promiscuous. They were afraid the guys who got into their pants would tell others about the conquests. Those fears were well founded. Unless the couple was in a fairly committed and long-term relationship, the male half of it would have bragged, especially if she had been a virgin. He would have considered it to be his duty to other members of his gender, much as a scientist who makes a new discovery must publish his findings, and those other members would have considered it their duty to pass on the information to any other male who might have an interest.

About that, however, I ask: “So what?” If girls and women are now as horny as boys and men, that would have also been the case fifty years ago; biology doesn’t change that rapidly. A high level of horniness in the female population would have meant that members of that gender would have enjoyed sex as freely as males wished they could have. Breaking a hymen would have been notable enough that it might have been worth a mention, but any other fornication after that would not have been. If a boy or young man were to report to one of his fellows that he had known, in the biblical sense, a certain girl or woman, the news would have been met with a relative lack of interest, because many of their mutual male acquaintances probably would have experienced that pleasure with the same partner.

To make a further comparison: Most girls at the time liked to dance; perhaps they still do. If some guy were to mention that he had danced with a girl, that information would not have been considered worth passing on. The fact that the girl liked to dance would have been common knowledge, and having done so with her would not be considered gossip-worthy. Likewise, if most girls wanted to fuck as much as their male counterparts, they would have done so, because there were a multitude of partners available, and having a reputation for enjoying sex would have had as little consequence as having a reputation for liking to dance.

There was also the fear of pregnancy, of course, but this problem was easily preventable. “The Pill” was not available back then, but condoms were. Most boys carried condoms tucked inside their wallets, just in case and, if some guy didn’t happen to have one, they were not hard to get. True, many boys and men expressed disdain toward using them because of the reduced tactile pleasure but, if it meant the difference between getting laid and remaining unlaid, that reluctance would have quickly evaporated.

Furthermore, this “saving oneself for marriage” and “wanting to avoid a reputation” really only applied to high school girls and, to a lesser degree, women in college, of which there were very few back then. A widowed or divorced woman would have no longer been saving herself for marriage, and could have given in to her supposed high degree of horniness, since she would have had plenty of available partners. As for a supposedly unsavory reputation, this would also not have been a problem, nor would it be one now. Male adults, or men, almost always have enough sense and decency that they rarely “kiss and tell” the way they might have as boys. For one thing, they respect the woman’s privacy enough not to violate it and, for another, they recognize they have a good thing going and don’t want to jeopardize it. Maybe even more important, most men are mature enough that they want their private business to remain private.

No, regardless of what some women and the “Playboy” shill say, men are, generally speaking, hornier than women. There is no way to scientifically prove this, but the anecdotal evidence is so one-sided that no more proof should be needed.

As far as I am concerned, cheating consists of a physical and/or romantic involvement with someone other than one’s partner, in a relationship that both partners have agreed would be exclusive. As such, cybering, roleplaying, and phone sex are not inherently cheating. They only become cheating when a forbidden romantic and/or physical relationship is formed. Nor is masturbation cheating. I find such definitions to be too expansive, though in the past I accepted them, before I rethought the matter.

Here are some examples of what I regard as cheating, when done behind a partner’s back, when contrary to a partner’s word, or when imposed by one partner on another partner against his or her will :

1. Having sex with someone else of the opposite sex. This is the most obvious and basic act that would meet the standard of cheating in an exclusive relationship. Swinging and polyamory only exist when they are mutually and honestly practiced. When not open, honest, and mutual, it’s cheating, not swinging or polyamory.

2. Having sex with someone else of the same sex. Yes, eating is cheating, if done behind a partner’s back or shoved down his throat. Bisexuality does exist, but it is not a license to cheat.

3. Withholding sexual favors to achieve compliance with a sexual double standard, such as cuckolding through teasing and denial. It is a form of sexual extortion to impose a unilateral change of the relationship, contrary to the wishes of one’s partner.

4. Using the threat of divorce and/or financial destitution to achieve compliance with a sexual double standard, in the same cases and for the same reasons as those listed above.

5. Using passive-aggression to discourage masturbation, while still masturbating oneself. Yes, I know that I said that masturbation isn’t cheating, but that’s under normal circumstances. If you pressure your partner not to masturbate, and then turn around and masturbate yourself, then it’s cheating.

6. Having an emotional affair with someone of either sex. That is, even being romantically involved with someone else, when that is contrary to the vows and/or agreement understand in the relationship, is also cheating. This is somewhat harder to define, but if you’re in love with someone else and start behaving like a lover, you’re cheating if you aren’t honest with your partner about it.

7. Denying your partner sex as a means of control. True, you’re not having an affair with someone else, but you’re clearly betraying the relationship and cheating on your partner. You’re making a mockery of his or her sacrifice in agreeing to monogamy, for that is what monogamy is: a sacrifice. I’m not the sort who can make such a sacrifice and not find it stifling and unnatural, but others can. Even so, it is a sacrifice and should be respected. Your partner agreed to monogamy, not celibacy. Unilaterally changing the agreement is still cheating, even if someone else isn’t involved. It fits the definition, because it involves a narcissistic romantic attachment to oneself.

Those are examples and definitions of infidelity or cheating, as I see them. If you have differences with me on them, feel free to express them. In my view, incidentally, once an agreement is broken, it’s no longer valid or in force. It no longer applies to either party, unless both parties agree to renew it. Even being legally wed is not worth the paper used to print the marriage license, once the vows are broken. Neither party is bound by the pact anymore. A sham marriage is no marriage.

Double standards are cheating, unless both parties accept the double standard willingly and happily. If someone doesn’t mind living by a double standard, I’m not going to make decisions for him or her. He or she is a consenting adult, and if he or she is happy with it, so be it. However, using threats of divorce, destitution, sexual deprivation, or any other means of extortion, to compel a double standard is cheating and blackmail. It’s wrong and it is not a relationship among consenting adults.

Thank you for reading and I look forward to your comments, whether you agree or not.

Appearance

Is it physical appearance? Well the short answer to that is of course “no” although it does have a major impact in the initial stages. I can remember once being attracted to a girl who absolutely exuded sex and only to be turned off to find she had a veritable art gallery of tattoos over her body. Personal taste maybe, but not one that I shared. I will also admit to a personal preference to the smaller breast sizes – and definitely no surgical enhancement. For me there is just something about a nice natural B cup breast that lures me on. That is not to say that I have not enjoyed the company of some much more endowed women but I am sometimes conscious that I do not spend the time caressing and administering to their bust that perhaps they deserve or desire. One lady once asked if I preferred shaven or unshaven women and that was also a question which I pondered over for several weeks afterwards. She was equally fascinated by it – she was of the opinion that guys like me who enjoy spending a long time going down on their women would appreciate the unshaven but that not true – at least for me. Natural pussy hair is usually quite soft and certainly not objectionable. Equally smooth pussies have a texture and feel that is also very pleasing. What is not quite so nice is stubble! Sorry ladies but if you shave, make sure you keep up the work on a regular basis! I could go on about physical appearance but at the end of the day, no matter if you prefer brunette or bland, small or large, shaven or natural, we are talking about what gets you into the bed and naked. It has little to do with cumming.

Position

I guess we all have our favourite position and a lot of people have hang ups about sexual positions. Certainly many women seem to think that, for instance, the doggies position is degrading while others think it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. Many women prefer to be under their partner, others on top. For many it’s the ability to control penetration, both depth and angle that leads them to want to ride their partners rather than any sense of domination or simply being “in charge.” Position for me is more about freedom of movement or, more particularly the ability to use your hands. While I am quite happy to be on top, like many gentlemen I end of carrying my body weight on my hands and arms rather than letting myself crush my partner. With the lady on top or doggie style I can simply allow my fingers to do the walking and to involve myself in heightening my partners pleasure. So for me, Yes, position is very important in the overall picture of what makes me want to come.

Technique

So is it technique? Well that gets us closer to the truth although I have come with a raw novice and a very experience d women so it can not be the whole story. When I was much younger and living in Hong Kong I enjoyed a couple of nights with one of the Wanchai bar girls (a very cute Fillipino girl). They were past masters in getting their customers to cum quickly because they could simply get more tricks into an evening. Even when, like me, you were the last one of the night, they would still try and get you to cum quickly because, they said, you were more likely to take your time afterwards to please them as well. Certainly there was some truth in that and the second cumming (no pun intended) could often be delayed to both our satisfactions. As I indicated earlier, I am a great lover of oral sex as both a giver and receiver although a classic 69 holds less interest for me as I prefer to give my full attention to either pleasuring my partner or allowing the pleasure she bestows to occupy me fully. Undoubtedly, good oral sex can easily make me cum and there is something about the sensation of pumping your seed into your lovers mouth. I’m not sure if it’s the power or subjugation imagery, or just the very real sense of being able to see yourself cumming at the point of ejaculation I am not sure. I well remember –as I think most guys do – the first time I ever enjoyed a real deep throat. Several girls had boasted of their prowess but when you feel the had wrapped around your already stiff penis the warning signs come on that this may be a little short of the real thing. My all time favourite lady was one who held her wrists behind her bank and would look up into my eyes with her big brown saucers and just simply went down on my cock, devouring every inch like a sword swallower until she was literally buried in my balls. I am sure she could handle much bigger buys than me but I have to say that first view of her had me cumming a bucket load down her throat!

It’s not just oral technique either what a lady does with her pussy and legs also has a great impact. For many years I was very dubious of the benefits in sex of keigal exercises until the first time my cock was deeply planted in a pussy of a lady who took great care of her inner self. Entry had been easy and non-inspirational, but then I found the inner walls being closed around me and I knew instantly what others had meant by the term “held by a silken glove”. My cock was literally caressed and squeezed internally by this talented woman. She had never had kids but used little internal weights to help tone and train her internal muscles while she was sat at her desk in the office. She was a talented lover in many ways but certainly she processed the most talented pussy I have ever known. Many men will say that a tight puss is better than a slack one and that may well be true but I’m sure we have all cum in both types. For me its what the lady can do to you internally that is the differentiator.

I also have a penchant for anal sex. Men, I think, split between those who crave to be inside their lady’s backside and those who just prefer sex the way nature intended. I have tried to analyse why anal sex is attractive to me and always failed. The closest I have determined is the fact that sex in the backdoor is somehow taboo or at the very least, a little bit dirty and naughty. Overcoming a resistance to even penetration your lovers bottom with a finger, let alone a full erect penis, is a bit like deflowering a virgin and you just know that its probably a very special girl that your lover is giving you. For me just a finger penetration increases the heart rate and drives me higher, fucking even more so, but I wonder if the physical act of anal sex answers the question of what makes me want to come or simply says that I might cum better, harder, or whatever.

Aural sex

Not a misspelling but sounds I think can make you cum. For me, a vocal lover who encourages you and spurs you on with soft words initially and the dirty talk later can certainly enhance proceedings. However, sounds have to be used with care. I am sure we have all watched porn movies where the girls screams and moans are obviously faked and/or dubbed in later. This I believe ruins the whole experience and I will often turn the sound off and simply enjoy the voyeuristic pleasure.

Pain and Suffering

In the past I have written several stories which are built around the theme of some form of physical or mental cruelty being inflicted on the women. Without going into details here, my similar real-world experiences have nearly always been a major turn-on for me and for the ladies concerned. However as, I hope, in my stories there has been some element of feeling – trust, mutual bond which controls the nature and degree of the actions. Even if you do not admit to being into BDSM, most of us have fantasised about tying our lovers, fucking them hard and deep or whatever and many more have fulfilled these dreams. And, in case you don’t think of this as pain, ask your lady afterwards if she really enjoys being treated to your cock acting like a jack-hammer in her pussy!

Mood

Mood I think is very important. It comes in two forms; the mood and ambiance in which you find yourself at the time, and also your own personal mood. We probably all get turned on by being in a room with a desirable partner, perhaps at the end of a wonderful day or evening, soft light, background music a little alcohol –all make us receptive for love making and perhaps raw sex. Equally, the spontaneous moment, on the beach, in a car, in a wood with the fresh smell of spring filling our nostrils, all can make the juices flow. But that also points to the other type of mood, our own personal mood.

We have all had days when we just “don’t feel like it,” the old joke about not tonight I have a headache can equally be applied to both sexes. Even when the rebuff is ignored and the partner makes serious advances, both partners should know that things just are not right. It takes longer for the guy to get hard, pussy juices don’t flow the same way and perhaps ultimately the partner who feels out of salts, just does not come. We have all been there I’m sure. So mood is important, a conducive environment which matches that of the two lovers greatly enhances the overall experience.

Conclusions

I am conscious that the comments above are mostly about me and my preferences and I think that’s both inevitable and part of the answer to the question. You now be thinking that I (the writer) just needs to find a slim lady who likes a lot or oral sex and then to be fucked doggie style with a little anal play while soft music drifts out of the speakers to get off. And why did he take all this space to tell us and do we care?

Well, I can’t answers the last part and the first statement would be true. However, it is a long way short of the real me. I like to experiment and I’m sure most of us do. If we have some feelings about the person we are having sex with, then we also care about how our actions relate to them. For me, the answer to “What makes me want to cum” is about the climax of a truly shared experience. Whatever your tastes, desires, or fetish, wanting to cum should be the culmination of that mutual act. It should not just lived you satisfied and fulfilled it should also leave wanting that little bit more. Can I improve the experience even more for my partner? What can I do to make reach new heights? Can she help me reach a higher plain?

This is probably the true answer to the question about what makes me want to cum – I want to reach sexual fulfilment if not this time, then the next time.

I’m a 22-year-old guy in college. This should be the time of my life. I’m living in the dorms, I’m away from my parents and I can do pretty much whatever I want.

Well it isn’t. I’m not saying my life is horrible, but it is nowhere I’d like it to be. You see I don’t have a girlfriend. You are probably saying, big deal not every guy has a girlfriend. Ok you’re right, but I have never had a girlfriend. In all my 22 years, I’ve never dated a girl. I’m not a total freak, although I wouldn’t call myself the best looking guy on campus. My main problem has got to be my shyness. I am a total dud when it comes to girls. I can barely talk to them other than to get the assignment in class. It is almost as if I wasn’t born with the gene to talk and flirt with them. It sucks and I got to find a way to get over it.

This story isn’t supposed to depress you, but mainly to inform you of what a shy single virgin does to satisfy his sexual desires. If I could sum up my whole sex life in one word, it would be masturbation. I’m guessing this isn’t too big a surprise for anyone.

My first time I masturbated it was due to me thinking of a really hot girl in one of my classes. I basically didn’t know about masturbation or sex and once I got this feeling in my cock I instinctively began humping my pillow. The first time was a mixed bag. It felt awesome. The best feeling that I’ve had in a long time. I was also confused. I was specifically confused about the stuff in my underwear. What the heck was that stuff? I initially thought it was urine, but after further experiments I deduced that it wasn’t.

Thus began my wacking off career. I had to have more and by golly I got more. I was a maniac at wacking off. I also wanted to know more stuff about sex and by accident I came across a book in the public library about sex. I read it with fascination. All my questions were answered. I was totally normal even though at first I thought I was the first to discover masturbation.

Another time at the library I found a book that changed me even more. It was a book by Nancy Friday called, Men In Love. It was a collection of letters from men about their sexual fantasies. It had every kind of sexual fantasy that a guy could have. It had stuff on straight sex; masturbation, homosexuality, incest, some weird sci fi crap and a whole lot more. I’m kind of ashamed to say it, but I used to masturbate in the public library while reading the book. All I had to do was just sit on the chair a certain way and move back and forth and I’d get off.

I don’t want to give you the impression that all I did was go to library and wack off to books. I had friends, loved sports, went to youth group and had a relatively normal life. I’m just focusing on one aspect of it. They say the normal guy wacks off anywhere from once a week to twice daily. Over the years I’ve pretty consistently wacked off two to three times a day. I’ve done it in a lot of different places too. Most of the time it is in the bathroom on the toilet or once I got a computer in my room. I’ve also wacked off in many of public bathroom. I’ve done it in church, and even in the classroom. You are probably wondering how I pulled the last one off. It is pretty much the same way as I did it in the library. I remember one time where I was in a study group and this absolutely beautiful girl was right in front of me. She was a hottie. She was also wearing a pretty low cut top where you could see her breasts when she bent down. Needless to say, she bend down quite a lot one day and my pants got filled quickly. Nobody was the wiser, although I always was afraid of getting caught. I even once wacked off in a woman’s restroom. It was evening at my college and hardly anyone was around. I was getting horny as usual and had a wild idea. I decided to sneak real quickly into a woman’s bathroom, enter a stall and masturbate. Well I did. I felt so naughty being in there. The wall even had sexual writing on it like in a men’s bathroom. One of them asked for another girl to join her man for a threesome. To make a long story short, a lady walked in and went to the bathroom and I proceeded to have one of the biggest orgasms ever. I eventually snuck back out and no one knew I was there.

In the beginning my normal sexual stimuli were certain books, the Sears catalogue, and my imagination from my days adventure admiring the ladies. Then came the one thing that changed everything. What is that one thing? The Internet! You all know where I’m going with this. Porn. That’s right, porn. I had a crappy Mac computer that could barely download pictures, but I was still able to have the patience to wait for those awesome pictures of naked beauties.

Today I’m in the dorms and that means I have access to a T1 line. I can get pictures of hot naked women in a blink of an eye. This is indeed a dangerous time. Internet porn has opened up a whole new chapter in my masturbation saga. Usually every day I go to my regular sports and e-mail sites and after that when I’m alone I explore the red light district of the World Wide Web. In this new world I have been introduced to Jenna Jameson’s ample tits, Nikki Nova’s smooth ass and many amateur college co-eds posing for the camera. Like most red-blooded males, lesbians are dear to my heart. I scour the thumbnail galleries for pic after pic of hot naughty blondes with their tongues deep into the dripping wet pussies of their best friend. Literotica and web sites like it gave me the opportunity to read about women’s first time lesbian experiences.

One of the kinky things I enjoy finding on the Internet has to do with incest. Not so much pictures as they are usually fake, but the erotica. While I’m not interested at all in my own mother, I do like to read about the exploits of a young nubile son and his recently divorced mother. Or the slutty daughter that seduces daddy to get what she wants. My main incest fantasy is between mother and daughter. This kind is not as abundant as the ones mentioned, but they get me going in no time. I’ve even taken it upon myself to write some mother-daughter fiction.

Another type of porn I am increasingly enjoying is gay porn. That’s right, sex between two men. In real life, men hold very little interest for me, but online it is all about getting off and the thought of a taboo subject such as homosexuality gets my motor running. I enjoy stroking my cock to images of two men kissing and fondling each other’s muscular bodies. I love to watch short gay movie clips of men sucking each other’s long hard dicks. The view of a nice bubble butt ass gets my cock jumping. Reading about different men’s experiences gets me so hot that it I’ll cum in no time. One time was viewing a site that listed the places gay men go for some action. I clicked my city and browsed through the different spots. One play guys got together was at my college in one of the restrooms. It just so happens that I had a class that semester in that very building. One day I was getting a little turned on by a female classmate and decided to head to the bathroom to take care of business. Once in the stall, I whipped out my cock and began stroking. Through the crack of the stall door I see eyes. Just like the website said, this man stood in the doorway watching me wack off waiting for me to invite him in. Being the pussy I am, I got scared and stopped. He soon left and I had a little bit of regret in not taking the man up on his offer.

Another fantasy I have is similar to gay porn. I am a big fan of she-males or Transsexuals. I’ve already told you that I love the female form, add a cock to that and I’d be a happy man. This is one fantasy that I wouldn’t mind trying once in my life. It’s always been a fantasy to suck a nice cock at least one time in my life. To run my tongue across the tip and slide my lips over the shaft. To taste the epitome of manhood would be awesome. The only way I’d ever get the courage enough to do it would probably be with a tranny.

Cybersex. Like most compulsive masturbators, I’ve done this as well. I started my experience on AOL when I came across one of the many seedy chat rooms they have. I tried to pick up on women, but to no avail. It is pretty sad, but even online I suck at talking to women. So I turned to the gay chat rooms to see if I could have any better luck. With so many horny men, of course I was able to find someone. We’d describe each and every sexual act we wanted to do to each other. Lots of “ohhhh, ahhhhh, yessss”. The session would usually end when one of us climaxed. Wham bam thank you man!

The next level of cybersex came when I discovered Yahoo’s chat rooms. Not only were they seedier, but also you could make up a couple different nicknames to chat with. If there are any women reading this, yes I am one of those guys that pretends to be a female. Once in my cyber-female form, I’d travel to the lesbian rooms and try my luck. Women after women chatted and cybered with me. It was awesome. Later on, I’d find a pic of a cute lady and put it on my profile. This increased the number of ladies willing to “chat”. I’d also get tons of guys bugging me for cyber. I can tell you that there are a lot of guys with little or no social skills online like myself when it comes to girls. It is pretty pathetic and I sympathize with the ladies. When I was bored I’d cyber with these poor dudes.

One time as a “lady” I got a message from some girl asking if I was interested in a threesome. I check the girls profile and she was a really a nice looking lady. We chat some more and she begins telling me about her boyfriend. I didn’t really care about him, but from the stuff she was telling me, something was not right. I started piecing things together and realized that she might be talking about my old high school friend. She then sends me her boyfriend’s profile and sure enough it is he. His pic is up and everything. I also get the feeling that I’m not talking to his girlfriend either, but actually my friend. I feel weird doing this, but I continue to chat with him/her. I try to make sure it is really my friend I’m talking to. He/she chats some more and the way the conversation is going, I am now sure I’m talking to my friend. My friend is pressuring me to come down and meet the two of them. He even sends me a couple naked photos of his girl. She is definitely a looker. He wants to cyber. I’m kind of aroused at this point and curious how far my friend will go. Since my friend is pretending to be a lady, I have no problem saying how I want to suck on her hard nipples and finger her pussy. My friend tries to bring himself into the mix. “She” asks me what I’d like to do to her boyfriend. This is where I draw the line and pretend I’m mostly a lesbo. I tell “her” that I’m not too interested in him, but I’d love to come see her for a little fun. Of course we are two men pretending to be women and that just isn’t going to happen. It’s kind of funny when I look back at it. My friend will never know that he cybered and shot a load with a one of his male friends.

The last thing I’m going to talk about is the conflict between this taboo lifestyle I lead and what I believe about pornography and lust. You see I happen to be a Christian. I sincerely believe that my lusting and compulsive masturbating is wrong. I know many of you are rolling your eyes about now, but I’m not trying to preach. This conflict is between what my flesh wants (instant gratification) and what God wants. Obviously by writing this at this site I’m currently choosing my flesh. I’m not saying that masturbation is wrong, but I do believe that when you take it to the level I have it is. Although no one would guess that it affects my life, there are things that I’d like to do that I never get to because of the desire to wack off. Things like reading a book, creating my own website, learning how to cook, and so on. You could probably label me a sexual addict even though I’m a virgin. My goal is to cut my wacking off from 2 to 3 times a day to a couple times a week and maybe even eventually stop completely. Moderation is key in anything that is pleasurable.

I know that this has been one long ramble. I hope it gave you an insight into my life. I’m hoping some people can relate to some of the things I’ve done and felt. Drop a note if you feel so inclined. Read some of my other stories too. I got to go and wack off. Thanks!

It worked off mains electricity and resembled a piece of medical equipment rather than a sex toy. The machine was called a Venus 2000 machine. To briefly describe the machine; it consisted of a air pump to which is attached by a thin rubber tube a clear plastic cylinder (called a receiver). Stretched through the middle of this is a latex sheath, on the end on the cylinder is an end cap with a air valve. When switched on the pump pumps air in and out of the outer area between the sheath and the inner of the cylinder. When the penis is inserted into the lubricated sheath and the pump switched on the cylinder and sheath grips the enclosed penis and moves up and down providing a intense massage, both stroke length and speed are infinitely adjustable. As I continued to look at the website I found the price, this was a shock to say the least. It was ridiculously expensive and at that point I dismissed any thoughts I had had about buying one of these machines.

Despite this some days afterwards I found myself searching the internet for more information about this machine. I even found some email addresses of guys who had bought them, my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to write and ask them about this device. The responses I received amazed me; they all thought it did all the makers claimed and more, together with the ability to give some incredible orgasms.

Over the next few months I did even more research and corresponded with more owners finding out everything I could about it. Finally I decided to buy a machine and I placed my order but still wondering if I was doing the right thing. At the time of buying I was still not in a relationship and did not want to take risks to satisfy my sexual needs and that also influenced my decision.

I think you can divide sex into three parts – one; the emotional experience, two; the experience of intimacy and three, the physical experience. Masturbation in whatever form it takes can only try to simulate the physical experience of sex, and that is exactly what the machine is designed to do. I guess the question that most people ask is how well it does that, the answer to that is in my opinion the physical sensations that the Venus machine is able to give when properly set up and adjusted are considerably more intense than having sex with a partner. This may seem a strange thing to say, but I am referring to just the physical sensations not the whole experience of sex with a loving partner. I have really great sex with my girlfriend but the penile sensations are still more intense with the Venus machine, and the orgasms are of a intensity that I have never experienced before using the Venus. I personally find using the machine pushes the intensity and feelings of physical pleasure far beyond what I have ever known.

To somebody who has not experienced the pleasure of the Venus it is difficult to describe, but here is my attempt.

Applying adequate lubricant to the inside of the rubber liner within the receiver and to your penis you then position the end of the receiver on the tip of your penis. Turn on the power, remove a little air from the sealed system by holding down one of the buttons on the remote control, the receiver will then suck you inside and slide slowly down the length of your penis until it can go no further. The feeling is quite loose and the receiver just slightly throbs but does not move. You then release just another small amount of air, as you do this you feel the grip of the smooth rubber liner starts to tighten around the whole length of your penis, but as yet still no movement. Just a little more air released and the grip tightens further, you can now clearly see the shape of your penis as the rubber liner seems to moulds itself to the shape of your penis a little like a condom does but thicker and not transparent.

There is now a feeling of intense anticipation as you carefully release still further small amounts of air until the receiver starts to finally move, slowly up and down still tightly griping you penis encased in the rubber liner. The more air released the greater the receiver moves but even with just a few centimetres of movement it is intensely pleasurable.

The feelings and sensations as it grips and rides up and down the penis is nothing short of pure bliss. Just a slight adjustment to the air within the machine again changes the length of stroke, and if not careful can leave you reeling and fighting to control your orgasm as the Venus seems to centre its movement on the extremely sensitive frenulum area below the head of the penis.

Turning the speed control down slightly reduces the frequency of the exquisite rubbing and stroking and enables you get in control again, laying back you vow not to touch the controls again and just lay there and let the Venus do its work. The receiver continues to relentlessly slide up and down, the slippery liner gripping every contour of your penis, what seemed manageable sensations some minutes ago seem to be growing in intensity yet you have not touched the controls.

You are now experiencing the most wonderful sensations that you have ever felt in your penis, a feeling that even exceeds the physical pleasures of vaginal or even anal intercourse. By this time even if you are generally quiet when having sex you will probably start to moan or even cry out in ecstasy as the intensity of the sensations emanating from your penis continue to build and build. As the thrills start to grow and the feelings in your penis start to get even more acute you involuntary start to move your hips, thrusting and pushing up to meet each of the Venus’s downward strokes, as you would thrust into a partner, you begin to realise you cannot fight or hold out any longer, orgasm is only seconds away, you just have to give in to the all consuming pleasure, you are no longer in control of your body – then it happens, you feel your penis get even harder and start to a throb, the lubricated liner seems to become a even snugger and tighter fit if that’s possible . . . your hips start to buck up and down and you cry out in pleasure as you lose control and pump spurt after spurt of sperm into the sucking latex liner. That of course does not do the Venus justice, you need to feel it, but it hopefully gives just a little insight as to what this incredible machine does.

But, if by chance, one of those bad boys was able to resist every one and all of my wily charms by barely giving me the time of day, I would keep on trying to get him to notice me, just so that I could then ask him out on a date. And if I was able to convince him to at least LIKE me enough to start seeing me on a regular basis, I would keep falling deeper and deeper into what I thought was ‘in love’ with him, while he would continue to treat me like some poor little pesky turd that had somehow gotten stuck on the sole of his shoe! lol

Yep, there is no doubt about it! I have always been one of those gals who never seemed to be able to help herself when it came to falling for a BAD BOY! You know exactly the type guy I am referring to — the men who play all the head games by treating the women they are supposed to care about with total disrespect and disregard. It seems as if they get some sort of sick pleasure out of hurting their gals feelings and making them squirm, by constantly keeping themselves just emotionally distant enough to never let a lady get near their true heart and soul. Yep, that’s the kind of guy I mean — I have always called them BAD BOYS.

I have never been quite sure what the big deal about getting their attention turned toward me was all about. I suspect that — very much like our male counterparts — the thrill of the hunt is in the chase, and once you’ve bagged your prey, you simply want to pack up your stuff and go home! lol But the truth of the matter is that bad boys are bad news for any gal who has the misfortune of getting into a relationship with one of them, since the only thing you have to look forward to is being hurt and in pain from the emotional abuse they are constantly pouring upon you. I also tend to think that being attracted to just that type of BAD BOY can become an addiction for some women, especially if you are young and immature when you first encounter that kind of guy.

When I was in my early twenties, much of it was simply a game to me, just to see which bad boys I could reel in, in order to wrap them around my little pinky finger for a while, toy with them, and then dispose of them when I was finished figuring out what made them tick. On a few occasions, I would actually go after a guy for one or more years in my efforts to possess him and get him to be mine, even though I never kept any of them around for very long. And the badder and badder the bad boy would treat me, the harder I would fall for him, until finally one day he would do something so absolutely and awfully rotten to me, that my heart would be broken into a million little pieces, and I would turn and sulk away like a hurt puppy dog with her tail between her legs!

It did not become apparent to me until sometime late in my twenties, how my constantly going after the ones who treated me so badly was actually a big problem. I felt like I was somehow a magnet for creeps, in that the only guys I ever wound up in any kind of a ‘relationship’ with were the BAD BOYS — and baby, they were attracted to me, it seemed, like a bunch of flies are attracted to some rotting, stinking, cattle carcass that’s been lying in the desert sun for a good long day or two! Yech! The problem being that I was never able to develop any kind of a decent or steady long-term relationship with any man by then, since my loving them consisted mainly of getting hurt and being in pain for the majority of the time that I spent with them. Rarely did I feel any kind of loving or caring for me on their part, consequently finding myself in a continual state of being emotionally abused by every single man I was ever involved with. And believe you me, if you have never been in that kind of abusive relationship, cruel and harsh words constantly coming from the lips of the man you love can cut into your heart as deep as a 12” carving knife! It does a hell of a lot of damage to your own self-esteem, and you can easily loose track of your real, inner self, by believing that all the horrible things they say about you are true.

Then something changed in me, as I matured into my thirties and even forties, and was — by then — absolutely and totally fed up with men in general. I had lumped each and every one of them into the category of CREEP, thinking that there was no such thing left in this world as a nice and decent guy. Yet, thanks to and because of my own dear Dad, who was really a great guy in every single way possible, I knew that there had to be one like him somewhere out there. However, being emotionally exhausted from my searching for him, I figured I would wait patiently and try to play my cards right, to see if perhaps the Man Upstairs had dealt an ace or maybe even two into my hand! hehehe

Patience paid off in my case, even though I had to wait until I was 51 years old to find one of those NICE guys, when I met a 38-year old man right here on the Internet and started seeing him on a regular basis. And altho he is a married guy, and has a life outside of and away from me, I am perfectly content to leave him to his family when he needs to be there, simply because he makes it well worth my while to be good to him. Because he treats me like a queen, with nary a nasty word to ever be spoken, and he lavishes me with compliments, and praise, and appreciation for the lady that I am to him, speaking always and only in endearing, loving terms and showering me with a gentle, genuine affection that makes me feel simply FABULOUS! If he has a temper, he sure hides it well, since I have never seen even a flash of heat coming from him, except when it is well-warranted and only directed toward someone or something other than me. He tells me I’m the sexiest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on, and he throws in ‘the most beautiful, too!’, and he tells me I’m sweet, and soft, and kind, and generous, and loving — and he tells me often enough to make me believe that I really am all of those things to him. Not to mention, our sex life is simply fantastic — always exciting, always new, always getting better and always leaving me wanting him more. He makes love to me like no other man can, because when he touches me, it comes from his loving heart and soul, leaving me shivering up my spine and quivering all over long after our love making session is through.

Being the perpetually single lady that I am, I still do date other guys now and then. I have even taken on a new lover here and there, because it can get lonely on the weekends and holidays when you love a married guy. I no longer lust after BAD BOYS like I used to do, and the guys I see now know pretty much how to treat a lady right. Yet none can quite match or measure up to the ways that the one nicest guy I know makes me feel — loved and appreciated and even adored, simply for doing nothing other than to always be myself! And believe me when I tell you this: I plan to hang on to him for as long as he’ll have me, and I will never trade his kindness and gentleness, nor his loving, caring nature for any other guy that may come into my life.

It would not surprise me in the least to learn that it was, in fact, a bad boy who originally coined the phrase, ”NICE GUYS FINISH LAST” just to try and throw some unsuspecting ladies off the track! lol Because as far as this lady is now concerned, when it comes to BAD BOYS and me, well… I will say this to all you guys out there, whomever you are and whatever type or kind you may be: Sure as shootin’, sooner or later, we all do get our comeuppance in life, our just desserts, and whatever else it is that we so deserve to receive. And if you’ve been a BAD BOY, when the shit hits the fan — it will all be your own, it will splat you in your face, and you’ll be left to sit and stew in a huge pile of stinking poop for a good long while to come. hehehe

One Night Stands Definition: Sex 1 time with a person that will probably never be repeated

1. A condom is required to be used.

2. No phone calls unless previously agree d upon by both parties.

3. No empty promises. (i. e. “I’ll call you”) without the intent of following through.

4. Both parties must arrive and leave the rendezvous point with independent transportation.

5. Public acknowledgement of a ONS is punishable by death.

6. No comparing of partners.

7. Sexual turn-ons must be verbalized before commencing.

8. Orgasms must be achieved by both parties. (multiple orgasms are acceptable. )

9. Personal questions are discourage and are not required to be answered.

10. Endangerment of a partner is punishable by death.

11. Always carry a toothbrush and towel.

12. Any and all personal items left behind will be confiscated and destroyed.

13. No physical evidence i. e. hickeys, scratches, etc.

14. No coercion allowed… must be mutually consenting.

15. Romance will not be tolerated.

16. Anything said in the heat of passion is null and void.

17. Leaving immediately after sex is permissible and encouraged.

18. Ignorance of the rules shall not be considered an excuse.

A ONS shall not be limited to one period of darkness but rather a short period of time i. e. a weekend. Anything longer shall be governed by the rules of recreational sex.

Recreational Sex Definition: Sex more than 1 time for the mutual satisfaction of both parties. N o emotional commitments allowed.

1. Do not become infatuated.

2. Use of the “L”,”M”,”B”,or “G” words is prohibited.

3. A true friendship must be established.

4. An occasional ONS is required. (see ON S rules)

5. Honesty about current/previous sexual frolics is required.

6. Any head games must be agreed to by both parties and the rules set down before commencement.

7. Public displays of affection are strictly prohibited.

8. Jealousy is strictly prohibited.

9. All conversations with a partner are confidential.

10. No subject shall be taboo for conversation.

11. All questions shall be answered honestly.

12. Chivalry is permissible and encourage d but is not to be confused with romance.

13. All appearances of a normal nonsexual relationship must be maintained.

14. Insensitivity to a partners feelings is punishable by death.

15. Extensive teasing is not permissible unless agreed upon by both parties.

16. The frequency of contact both sexual and nonsexual must be agreed to by both parties.

17. All agreements do not need to be verbal, however if there are any questions a bout a nonverbal agreement the question must be verbalized immediately.

18. All rules of a normal friendship apply.

19. Every reasonable effort must be made to satisfy your partner.

20. Fixing up partners is permissible. The prospective date must be familiar and agree with the rules.

21. No Virgins

22. No fake orgasms will be permitted.

23. No comparing partners.

24. No physical evidence i. e. hickeys, scratches, etc.

25. Anything said in the heat of passion is null and void.

26. If you have sex with the friend of a recreational partner both parties must b e notified. *A married partners identity shall not b e revealed unless he/she consents. ** Married shall constitute any normally monogamous relationship. A person is allowed only one monogamous relationship.

27. If a partner sense a growing emotional tie in either themselves or the partner the situation must be discussed immediately. * A chilling out period is recommended but shall not end the relationship. The length of the chilling out period must be agreed on by both parties.

28. Both parties must agree on the rules before having sex after a major interruption. * If both parties do not agree on the rules the sex will be considered a ONS and the rules governing ONS will be enforced. Any violations of the rules must be brought to the attention of the partner immediately.

If you disagree with any or even all of the above, or if you have any comments I am more than willing to listen and possibly even add them to the list. Feel free to leave me a comment.

Well, here’s a little information for you. Remember, these are generalities and will apply in varying degrees and there will be exceptions. However, I think you’ll find these things hold true for most men. I must warn you, I ramble a bit. Don’t hold it against me. Please do comment. Tell me how wrong I am or what a revelation this is for you. I love that!

On to the details.

MEN ARE TESTOSTERONE DRIVEN. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But think about what this really means. Testosterone is what makes us men. It controls our sex drive. It causes our aggressive, predatory natures. It makes us notice you ladies and respond in the childish manner that we do. You wonder why we like sports so much? Because it’s an outlet for our testosterone driven aggressiveness. Why are we always looking at women (or in some cases, other women)? We are responding to a hormone inspired reaction. Yes, we can control it to some degree, but not entirely. If you want to understand better, ladies, try taking steroids for a while (Joke! Don’t do it! Really, I’m kidding!).

I must admit, I’m no biologist, so this part was pretty bare bones.

MEN ARE TERRITORIAL. You probably already knew this. We are the masters of all that we survey in our minds. Testosterone makes us “hunt” women. This little detail makes us protect them. Often in ways you would not expect. Have you ever seen 2 men getting territorial over pretty much anything? (Hey! That’s my chair/woman/remote control!) Ever notice how there’s a lot of bluster but little actual violence (if any at all)? That’s because it’s all about dominance. We don’t want to hurt our rival. We want him to acknowledge that he’s lower in the pecking order than we are. Ever notice a man will keep fighting over something long after it is plain he has lost? That’s because men respect tenacity. Keep fighting against all odds and it shows you are worthy of respect and you will be higher in the pecking order than if you went down with one punch/insult/challenge. This is also why men can get along together after a big fight, physical, verbal or otherwise. We have established our place and acknowledge it for the moment. The issue is over and we move on. This does not mean that the resolution of the challenge will be quick. It could take days, weeks, months or years. It simply means that once it is over, it is really over. If it’s quick, that’s a good thing, though.

This is also why we don’t ask for directions. We are masters of all we survey. We don’t need no stinkin’ directions!

MEN ARE PROBLEM SOLVERS. This means we are analytical and logical in nature. We like things we can measure, quantify and control. This causes some interesting effects. Should you come to us with a problem you have just given us a big compliment. You have just said, “Hey, you’re a smart, capable person. I can’t fix this, but I think you can.” Now, if you come to us with a problem and want us to “just listen,” you have a problem. If you tell us of a problem then we want to solve it. If you’re upset, then there must be a problem and we want to solve it. Especially if you’re upset. If we solve the problem for you, in our minds, then there is no longer a need to be upset and you can get back to being happy. Plus, we have just demonstrated competence, which makes our testosterone happy.

Problems arise when you just want to vent. If all you want is for us to listen and have no interest in our opinion or expertise on how to solve your problem then you have just given us a big time insult. You have taken back the compliment and in effect said, “You are not competent to help me with my problem. I’ll go find someone else who can.” NOT good. Ever notice your male friends hate it when you do this? This is why. This makes us upset and makes us want to defeat whoever it is you do get to help us. Thank our testosterone for this.

Now, if we cannot solve a problem, we minimize it. “That’s not a big problem,” we’ll say. In men’s language this is us paying you a compliment. We are saying, “You’re competent. You can deal with this.” Trust me, to a man this is a huge compliment.

So, if you have a big problem and want to vent, men are not the ideal sounding board. Why would you tell us of a problem you don’t want solved? To us this does not make sense. Thus, it must be a challenge to our domain.

If we don’t understand something, we fear it. How do you control something you don’t understand? This makes it a threat and it must be defeated so that we can feel safe and comfortable again. This causes problems with women, since we don’t understand you and our testosterone driven, territorial nature makes us want you around. You don’t act like men and we don’t understand why. Alright, LOGICALLY we understand you’re no men and that you are going to perceive and act upon things differently than us. However, if you do so in a manner that defies our version of logic then you are a threat to our security. We must destroy that threat in order to show competence and keep our place in the pecking order. But we want you around still. The more women we have around, the higher we are in the pecking order. Our instincts are at war. See the problem?

This is also another reason men don’t ask for directions. We can find our own way! We ARE competent, dammit! Maps are for people who don’t know what they are doing! Stop telling us to ask for help and admit that we are incompetent! Grrrr!

MEN ARE LAZY. We want to put out the least effort and get the greatest result. A logical desire, eh? Basically, this means if it’s not an immediate need or a hormone driven desire then it’s not important. Why didn’t we take out the garbage when you asked us to? Because it wasn’t an immediate need. So, why bother?

MEN DON’T HANDLE EMOTIONS WELL. Probably because they are not logical. Tell me if you’ve seen this one. A man comes home and plops down in front of the T.V. or the computer or whatever and proceeds to vegetate. You ask how his day was and he grunts out a 1 word answer while consuming some kind of snack or drink. He’s not being lazy. He’s processing the events of the day, putting everything into context and ordering his emotions that every event of the day caused. DO NOT INTERRUPT THIS PROCEDURE! This is a very important process, very delicate and easily contaminated. Do so at your own risk. We can get quite snippy when processing. This is because we have to start all over again if interrupted. We HATE having to start all over again! You ladies probably process emotions at the time you have them. Us men are less likely to do so. We’ll be looking for the logical thing first.

Finally, MEN FOCUS. We do not multitask well. We see you ladies driving while putting on make-up and listening to the radio while chatting with your pals on your cell phone and we are in awe (and in fear for our lives). We can only do one thing at a time and it amazes us how you can do many. We don’t understand how you do it, which vexes us to no end. You are showing a sign of competence of which we are just not capable and it makes us nervous. Especially that driving part. Seriously, for our sanity, when you’re driving, limit your multitasking to listening to the radio or talking to the other passengers. Otherwise you will find us becoming agitated and hard to deal with.

That said, when we focus on something, our attention is undivided and making us finish whatever it is we are focusing on quickly and completely. At least as far as that individual process is concerned. Don’t ask us to see the bigger picture. Our focusing brains lock onto one detail at a time. We can lose ourselves in minutia! Sometimes it’s good to remind us that other things need to be accomplished, even though doing so might annoy us. In general, though, let us play with the minutia. We’re happy while we think we’re accomplishing something.

I hope this little essay has helped you understand the nature of men better. It’s not perfect. I’m no scholar and I was basing it all on life experience, which, at 32, is not so great as many of you have. Still, if it provokes discussion and potential understanding, then I have accomplished my goal.