I’m fucking tired of women’s rape fantasies being discussed by people who don’t have them, and in a way that tries to make them rational, safer, dumbed-down.
I do not fantasize about rape because male passion is flattering. In fact, in most of my rape fantasies, the rapist is indifferent to me, physically and emotionally. He’s raping me because he can, and it’s totally impersonal. The thought of the rapist showing interest in me actually turns me off, because it gives me power, defeating the point of the fantasy, which is to be powerless.
I do not fantasize about rape because it’s “not really rape,” just rough sex. I can assure you that for the self-character in my fantasy, the sex is nonconsensual and unwanted. Rape is also not just “domination,” which can be done with consent. Submission is a choice. In my rape fantasy I don’t just submit being dominated, I’m forced. The idea of submission actually turns me off, because it implies consent, and nonconsent is the foundation of my fantasy.
I do not fantasize about rape because I feel guilty about desiring sex, and rape somehow removes the blame. I do not have any sexual guilt issues as a result of a puritan upbringing or social messages about women and sex. I love sharing my sexual fantasies, talking about sex, and having sex.
I do not fantasize about rape because I actually want to be raped. You wouldn’t think that anyone needs to be told this, in this day and age, but I’ve learned not to assume anything when it comes to sex. Also, I do not need to be told that a real rapist would not look like my fantasy rapist, that a real rape would feel different because it would not be wanted on any level. Yes, of course I have ultimate control over the fantasy, yes of course this would be different in a real rape. Hence the word “fantasy.”
I do not fantasize about rape because I’ve been indoctrinated by patriarchy. I do not for a minute conflate my fantasy with a real rape, or believe that rape victims were asking for it. If anything, I see my rape fantasies as evidence that I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality to fantasize about whatever the fuck I want. Patriarchy would have women repressing their sexual desires in favour of what’s socially acceptable, which rape fantasies are not.
I do not fantasize about rape because I’m trying to work through a past trauma. While studies show that this may be the case for some women (and there’s nothing wrong with that), it is not the case for me. I have no history of sexual or physical trauma.
I do not fantasize about rape because I am biologically conditioned to do so. This is an absurd twisting of logic. Maybe women are conditioned to prefer dominant men because of their genes, but there’s no logical reason for the sex itself to be unwanted.
I do not fantasize about rape because I like the idea of ultimately conquering my rapist’s heart and converting him into a lover. There is obviously something to this idea, or Harlequin-style romances would not sell as well as they do, but this does not apply in my case. There is nothing even remotely romantic about my fantasy, I assure you, and I do not fantasize about being with the rapist forever, not even beyond the one sexual encounter. Romance turns me off.
I fantasize about rape because it’s taboo, and taboo is hot. I fantasize about rape by men because in my mind, which is prone to stereotyping, men are physically able to overpower me. I fantasize about rape because the idea of giving up control is hot, because I spend most of my waking life being in control and responsible, and to relinquish that to someone else is to feel free. I fantasize about rape because I’m tired of not living up to the media’s bombardment of ass-kicking female superheroes and it’s a relief to fantasize about the opposite. I fantasize about rape because being punished for my dirty, taboo thoughts is hot (the opposite of the blame-removal theory).
My rape fantasies are not rational. Plenty of women could overpower me. Being forced into sex is the opposite of freedom. I don’t really believe that I should have a female superhero’s abilities. I don’t really believe that my sexual thoughts are immoral or that I deserve punishment for them. Stop trying to rationalise my fantasy or explain it away, and just let it be transgressive and paradoxical.
